I started attending school in Caracas again, this new school is pretty neat and all of the big names in the local jazz scene are teaching there, this is the place to create professional relationships and to make a name.
I need to get this off my chest: I was seriously considering to take my life a couple of weeks ago, and even though things aren’t precisely well, there’s been a couple of incidents that gave me a little bit of hope on everything. When you think everything’s lost and shit can’t get worse, sometimes, a lifechanger appears wildly and everything starts to make sense, patterns start to form and then you find the reasoning behind your reality. I refuse to believe I was randomly put here, now things are beginning to take form and I’m going to work my ass off to make things happen.
Thanks, Lifechanger; the circumstances have been a blessing in disguise and you’re a silver lining enlightening one of the blackest and grimiest horizons I’ve stood before.
I’m putting shit back together in my life. I’ll attend school again and go back to the mats since my elbow is fine now. I ain’t giving up on my goals, this 3 that I’m more than halfway through is a requisite for the actual Performance Degree on BIMM Dublin which is one of the places I was originally planning to attend, since I still think there’s not a single guitar performance program focused on the reality of a modern session player. I’m also trying to play with as much people as I can, I’m currently playing in 4 projects as a session musician and the pop/punk band’s record is already written as well as my personal acoustic project’s EP.
I had the weirdest night last night, and ended up with a Pandora bracelet that will feel far too awkward to ever wear. What is my life. This is why I can’t have nice things.
I have never addressed this issue on my blog but it’s been bugging me for a while and I sort of need to let it out somehow. This is the perfect place to do so.
The year was 1989, Venezuela was in the middle of an economic bonanza, life was good, public education was highly effective and the biggest problems around were the growing popularity of the mullet and Ilan Chester retiring from music every 5 months. Damn, it was a glorious time. However, and as it always happens whenever there’s good shit going on, there was someone unwillingly plotting to fuck it up big time for everyone. In my particular case, Gabriela, Julio Sr. and Hugo Chávez (Yes, THAT Chávez).
Let’s fast forward a little bit, I’ll catch up with you in a few moments.
The year is 2014, here’s what happened: Hugo Chávez ran one of the most half-assed coup d’état attempts to overthrow Carlos Andrés Pérez from his presidential duties. Even though he failed miserably and ended up being put in jail, the circumstances got him running for presidency in 1998. We Venezuelans ain’t very good in taking transcendental decisions, so he won. 16 years, many “transparent” elections and hundreds of controversial decisions later my country is #1 on the shittiest places to live in list which makes us the most undesired citizens all around the globe. The guy even died of Cancer and his legacy still keeps us submerged in a sea of shit you wouldn’t even imagine.
On the other side, and back in 1989. Gabriela and Julio Sr. decide that skipping school to go have unprotected sex is the best move for an 8th or 9th grader. 9 months later, I was born, needless to say, this was a shitwreck for my family. Negligent underage parents who were probably the stupidest kids in their class sounds like the best formula to raise a psychopath, right? - Wrong, this is where my uncles and grandparents step in.
Grannies provided me a decent education, food and a roof and together with my uncles and aunts they supported and raised me, and they raised me well. I have taken shitty decisions, I’m human and I slacked for a while (failing one class in College). However, I’m a talented musician with a good job and very high goals in life, I’ve gotten accepted in two world class musical institutions and my short term goal this year is to make a name as a session musician in the local scene and the internet. I haven’t got a chick knocked up, never been arrested, I don’t use drugs or even smoke and even though I have lots of issues, I’m trying to become the best person possible. Now, here’s my question.
Why do immigration officers keep denying my visas? I was supposed to go to Canada this year to study music just to become better and get a degree, which is impossible here, unless you go to UNEARTE and deal with their propagandist bullshit instead of getting better at being a musician. I do not intend to stay in your country as an illegal immigrant, I just want a fucking chance to accomplish an academic goal. How come I have not enough ties with Venezuela? There’s a group of people that raised me well, I owe them a life. I could be shooting people on the streets or even dead right now. My grandpa is the smartest guy I know, my uncle Arnaldo is all that I want to be in life and one of the main reasons of what I am right now. My aunt Andry is one of the most selfless and loving persons ever, her picture should be next to the definition of integrity in the dictionary, my other aunt, Argelia is one of the most determined and hard working persons ever. Fuck Chris Gardner, this woman deserves a movie inspired in all the shit she went through to get where she’s at right now. I need to make it big, for them, for me and for grandma up in heaven. Yes, you’re right, I don’t know my father and my mother has never acted like one. I’m different and I pity those who had just one mom and dad, I had 2 fathers and 3 mothers and I have to make them proud.
Please, God, universe, Buddha and whoever deity may be reading this: cut me some slack. It’s fucking unfair, I do not intend to do anything illegal or harm anyone. I just want a decent education, which I can fucking afford - which is the other reason why I haven’t traveled in such a long time: priorities: I bought myself a car and saved lots of money for an education.
I’m frustrated but I’ll keep working towards this.
Next step: buying gear since I sold it all last year when I was going to Ireland.